Most folks have a funny holiday cooking story: about the year that Mom left the innards in the turkey and cooked it anyway, how Dad added salt instead of sugar to the sweet potatoes, or how an aunt or uncle didn’t thaw the turkey long enough, and, as a result, everyone ate dinner at midnight. Or they just all went out to dinner at the last minute.
Even if your family doesn’t have its own stories, you’ve heard these kinds of disaster stories before. (And I’m sure your family does. Seriously. Ask some older family members this Thanksgiving after they’ve eaten and perhaps had a drink or two—there will be funny stories. They may just not be allowed to bring them up anymore—especially if they were involved in or the cause of the fiasco that ensued.)
To prevent these kinds of problems, Butterball Turkey Talk-Line experts have been helping folks with their cooking questions since 1981—and, I’m sure, totally saving Thanksgiving on more than one occasion. I’m sure this was especially helpful in the days before the internet, but it’s even helpful today, as the Butterball website now has videos to show you exactly what to do to cook your turkey.
While the Talk-Line originally began with only six home economists, there are now more than 50 people working the phones during November and December. There are Spanish-speaking experts, and, finally, there’s even one guy. They answer more than 100,000 questions each year from people in the United States and Canada.
If you need help, you can now contact Butterball via phone call or text message. The Talk-Line is 1-800-BUTTERBALL (288-8372), but for Text-Line support, text to 844-877-3456.
Although there’s plenty of help available, there are still folks who may have, um, problems.
Thanks to the folks at the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line for sharing the following hilarious stories about some of the calls they’ve gotten over the years.
When a Talk-Line staffer asked a caller what state her turkey was in–meaning how thawed was it–the caller responded with “Florida.”
Bundle of Joy
A flustered father called the Talk-Line a few hours after his wife had given birth to their first child. He realized their turkey had been thawing in the fridge for too long while he was at the hospital.
When the staffer asked the man how much it weighed, he replied, “The turkey or the baby?”
After determining the turkey’s weight and thawing time, she assured him he would be able to deliver a safe, delicious Thanksgiving dinner by the time mom and the baby returned home.
Upside Down Turkey Surprise
A disappointed woman called wondering why her turkey had no breast meat. After a conversation with a Talk-Line operator, it became apparent that the woman’s turkey was lying on the table upside down.
Third Time’s a Charm
One caller was well versed at walking down the aisle, but not so versed when it came to cooking her Thanksgiving turkey.
The caller explained to Carol Miller, 20+ year Talk-Line veteran, that Thanksgiving with her first husband was a bust since she forgot to thaw the turkey.
She blundered Thanksgiving with her second husband when the foil pan she was using bent and slipped out of her hands, leaving the feast on the floor.
She hoped the third time would be the charm. So she called the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line to make sure she was doing everything right!
We hope she is still married!
Carving the Turkey
One man called to tell the operator that he cut his turkey in half with a chainsaw and wanted to know if the oil from the chain would adversely affect the turkey.
A lady from Colorado called about “how to thaw” her frozen Butterball. She proudly shared the fact that she stored her turkey in a snow bank outside, as it had snowed the night before!
It dawned on her, during the conversation, that she didn’t have a clue which snow bank her turkey was in. At that point, the conversation was over because she was now on a mission to go find her turkey.
If I lived in a snowier state, I could see that last one happening with my family. Unless you’re my mother-in-law reading this. Then, I couldn’t imagine anything wrong ever happening on Thanksgiving. Ever.
Have a great Thanksgiving! May you know exactly where your turkey is at all times.
About Michele “Wojo” Wojciechowski
Michele “Wojo” Wojciechowski is the award-winning author of the humor book Next Time I Move, They’ll Carry Me Out in a Box, writer of the award-winning humor column, Wojo’s World®, and a future award-winning stand-up comic and speaker. So far, she hasn’t screwed up cooking the turkey on Thanksgiving. But, there’s still time…Check out her website at www.wojosworld.com.